Coaching Basketball From The Couch

Yeah, I’m guilty. Whether watching my favorite basketball team play or just watching two teams go at it with no rooting interest,  I enjoy seeing the game played, coached, and officiated correctly. Though it’s not quite as silly as yelling at a movie or pre-recorded detective show, I do find myself talking to the television during game action, essentially coaching basketball from the couch.

And you do it, too.

And if you’ve ever done any coaching – at any level – it never leaves you.

In order to build yourself to the point of game-time rage that would have you yelling at someone who cannot hear you (and probably wouldn’t listen even if they could), you have to lose a bit of perspective on things. When watching a high school or college game, it’s very easy to forget how young the participants are. When watching a professional game, it’s still easy to forget how young at least some of the participants are, and how travel-weary some of the veterans might be. And we forget that all these players, coaches and referees are human.

We want them to be perfect and they will never be, regardless of how much money they make.

We all have our preferences as to how we like to see the game of basketball played. I’d almost rather see a team lose playing as a team than win playing selfishly.  Only in rare instances would I be considered a fan of isolations – only if nothing else is working or Earl “The Pearl” Monroe is playing. Give me the two-way player who doesn’t have to dominate the ball but can take over on offense when needed, then can lock you up at the other end of the floor, or at least makes an honest effort.

Give me Kawhi Leonard.

Here are just a few of the court proceedngs that make me want to put on a $5,000 suit, slick my hair back and pace the sidelines (of my living room) like Pat Riley used to.

Too Much Dribbling

“Pass the ball, son!” Nothing worse than watching a guy at the top of the 3-point circle dribbling the shot clock down (in a non time-killing situation) with no plan, while his teammates stand around and watch, or, even worse, moving or playing off screens to get open with little hope of getting the ball.

At the same time, the defensive players are standing and watching, too, and catching their breath while preparing to do damage on the offensive end when they get the ball back.

This can be seen at all levels of the sport.

The “Two-For-One”

Honestly cannot remember the last time I’ve seen this work. 35 seconds left in the first half, Team A gets possession and rushes up a quick shot to allow enough time to get the ball back, even if Team B uses all its allotted time, say 24 seconds. Team A gets the ball back with about 5-8 seconds remaining and rushes up another bad shot and ends up wasting two possessions.

So “Two-for-One” usually means two bad shots for you, one good shot for them.

Blocking Shots Into The Stands and Flexing

Point guard from Team A drives into the paint and is impeded by Team B’s center, so he tosses a floater towards the basket. The center for Team B, instead of steering the soft shot attempt towards a teammate or even catching it, swats the ball into row three, spilling a paying customer’s beer into his lap. Crowd goes wild, teammates go crazy, making the “ugly face” while the center flexes and taunts his opponent (“Get that weak stuff outta here!”).

Team A brings the ball back into play, makes one or two passes to an open guy beyond the arc, and he shoots a 3-pointer.

Swish.

What?

“I’m A Scorer.”

Back in 1977, the Philadelphia 76ers (with more individually-skilled players) were playing the Portland Trailblazers (the more cohesive unit) in the NBA Finals. Philly won the first two games at home, then the series (and the momentum) moved to Portland. While the Blazers were hitting their stride on their way to winning the next four games and the NBA title, the Sixers’ second-leading scorer, George McGinnis, was struggling to make shots. One of the commentators said McGinnis kept shooting because “he has to shoot his way out of his slump.”

Many would agree. Being a teenager at the time, I couldn’t understand that thinking, especially with the Sixers having so many other scoring options (Julius Erving, Doug Collins, World B. Free, etc.). As an adult, I still don’t understand the concept of trying to get one guy’s offense going while a championship is slipping away, unless he’s the only scorer.

Defensive Apathy

Scorers get paid more and they make the Hall of Fame. The highest-scoring teams don’t always win the NBA Championship, but the balanced teams do. Hard to be a lockdown defender with the rules currently in place, but offering some resistance is quite OK. It doesn’t show up on the stat sheet (unless you’re into some really deep analytics), but every team has that one guy who just will simply refuse to make a rotation to help out a beaten teammate, won’t take a charge or even attempt to get into a defensive crouch, and won’t guard the 3-point line.

We’ve all played with guys like this – the one who doesn’t have your back if you lose your man, then points at you and loudly advertises the fact that your man just scored.

Or even worse, you’ll hear the puke-worthy question: “Whose man is that?”

No need to mention any names, but we see this in the NBA all the time.

Referees Relying on Replay

Two players swipe at the ball and it goes out of bounds. Everyone’s attention now focuses on the two closest officials, who are now just staring at each other. No definitive call is made , but that’s OK (it really isn’t) because the replay center is on the case.

It’s probably human nature, but having the technology makes the refs a bit more passive.

Passing Up A 3-Footer For A 3-Pointer

Saw someone on the Brooklyn Nets do this on Sunday. OK, it wasn’t a 3-footer, but one of their front line players had the ball in the paint and, instead of shooting it, passed it out to a guy stationed outside the 3-point line. Ball sailed a few feet over the guy’s head and ended up in the stands.

AAAARRRGGGHH!!!

Celebrating Poster Dunks While Trailing 

I didn’t see Larry Nance’s dunk over Kevin Durant live the other night. I saw a replay of it later in the evening, then I looked down at the score. Maybe the Lakers were mounting a comeback or something, but they were losing, and ended up losing the game. But that didn’t stop the Lakers’bench from erupting over Nance’s impressive dunk. A couple of guys got up off the bench and ran, another guy took pictures with an imaginary camera, another guy staggered around as if he’d been hit by a Tyson uppercut.

It was actually fun to watch…but they were losing. And then they lost.

OK, done ranting for now. Gonna go watch Bethune-Cookman at Washington.

Don’t make me get my clipboard.